Wisdom Listens

“That you may be strong, be a craftsmen in speech. For the strength of one is the tongue, and the speech of one is mightier than all fighting.” – Ptahhotep In the twenty years that I have been in Toastmasters, I have had the opportunity to evaluate hundreds of speeches presented by my fellow club members. Giving critical feedback helps a speaker understand what they did well and what they can work on to improve. A good evaluator balances being helpful and encouraging while providing an honest reaction to the speaker’s presentation. Giving an evaluation in Toastmasters is an improvised activity that is given in three minutes or less and takes practice and excellent listening skills. The ability to listen is a fundamental skill that has been essential to human communication since the dawn of civilization. Offering helpful ideas on what you heard, felt, and thought about the speaker’s presentation can be enhanced by the way the speaker uses their vocal intonation, body movements, facial expressions, and use of words. Engagement through the transferring of an emotion to your audience is key. There are not any courses on listening, only speaking, however the wisdom of listening has a long history. Kim Monson Show Sponsor Roger Mangan State Farm Insurance In ancient Egypt in the late 25th to mid-24th century BCE, lived a city administrator and vizier (first minister) to the King of the Old Kingdom. His name was Ptahhotep and his sayings were transcribed as one of the earliest known pieces of philosophy and wisdom. Written in an ancient hieratic style, this compilation is considered the oldest collection of moral advice and virtue practices. In his book, “Instruction of Ptahhotep,” are his timeless maxims that not only benefit a Toastmasters evaluator, but anyone in school, business, politics, or non-profits who wish to improve their success by listening. Here are just a few of his ideas: “Listening benefits the listener.” “Only speak when you have something worth saying.” “He who listens becomes the master of what is profitable.” “To listen is better than anything, thus is born perfect love.” “God loves him who listens. He hates those who do not listen.” “If he who listens, listens fully, then he who listens becomes he who understands.” “If you are a man of authority, be patient when you are listening to the words of a petitioner. Do not dismiss him until he has completely unburdened himself of what he has planned to say to you.” Ptahhotep’s maxims on listening were derived from a lifetime of experiences and taught ethical and moral guidance to young men and nobles in dealing with human interaction and governance. His words taught humility, justice, and truth by avoiding unnecessary arguments and practicing self-control. Learning not to immediately respond and asking clarifying questions to let the speaker know you were listening can pacify a tense or contentious situation. This is sage advice which works well in most interactions, such as when you are trying to persuade others or have an audience accept your position. Hearing critical feedback can be difficult and makes one feel exposed and vulnerable. It can make a world of difference to one’s speaking abilities if they are open to a peer’s observations. This happens with trust and empathy when giving an evaluation. There are many ways to give feedback, and the most often used in the Toastmaster’s process is referred to as “the sandwich technique.” This entails offering praise on what a speaker does well and encourages them to do more of it. Next, suggest ideas on ways to improve or do something different. Then, offering some closing praise to encourage and help the speaker feel good about their presentation. The beginning and the closing of an evaluation are like slices of a loaf of bread, smooth and rounded. The middle is the meat of the evaluation and where the growth can occur. Personally, I like the “manure method” of evaluation which is the opposite of the first. Since I am a more experienced Toastmaster I am looking for brutally honest comments, therefore I encourage an evaluator for my speeches to give me “the stuff that rolls downhill.” Then, observations on what I did well. Finally, more of the “stuff that hits the fan” to help me grow faster. With a speaker’s permission one can also record a video so a speaker can watch and study their process. One’s tolerance for hearing truthful feedback determines which evaluation structure is best for a speaker. I believe it is the listener/evaluator who mostly gains from this process by artfully using their active listening skills and observations to help the speaker advance and improve. The listener/evaluator must incorporate all their faculties such as hearing, observing, feeling, and connection to the content of the speaker. Ptahhotep’s maxims combined with these Toastmasters techniques are useful for anyone who wishes to be a better listener and communicator. The musician and guitarist Jimi Hendrix once said, “Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.”

Unbelievable

I attended a business seminar in Denver years ago and one of the many speakers was the best-selling author and sales trainer, Tom Hopkins. He said a word that stuck with me, and I have used it myself successfully for years. He said when he takes a trip on a plane and the flight attendant greets him as he enters with “How are you?” most people reply, “Just Fine” or “I’m OK.” Not Mr. Hopkins. He replies, “Unbelievable.” More times than not the Flight Attendant will say, “I’ve never heard that before” or “That could be good or bad.” Mr. Hopkins will continue, “You are correct, I’ll let you decide.” That short interaction and a bit of laughter by both the flight attendant and Mr. Hopkins, makes him stand out as he boards the plane. He receives better service and a positive interaction with the flight crew, plus, it’s memorable. I can prove it; I am retelling this story to you now. I have often thought about how one or two words can create a positive interaction. Remember all the words you learned as a kid. You were taught to say, please, may I, thank you, yes sir, or yes mam. These words show respect for the person you are speaking to. This is something our culture has moved away from. We have become lazy with our language. I am no Grammarian with words, yet using better words that demonstrate your ability to speak well shows a level of maturity and mastery. How are you being “unbelievable” with the words you use? According to a Harvard University and Google project to digitize books, researchers estimated there are a total of 1,022,000 words in the English Language. Many of these words are archaic and not in general use any longer. According to the Oxford English dictionary there are about 600,000 defined English words, again many out of everyday use. According to an article in English Live, most adult English speakers have a vocabulary of 20,000-35,000 words. This is an enormous number of words to choose from, especially when you think that we have only twenty-six letters in our alphabet! Kim Monson Show Sponsor Roger Mangan State Farm Insurance I often find myself using repetitive words when I write. This is why I usually have a thesaurus by my side to look up words that have a more meaningful impact on what I am trying to express. In addition, I could never pronounce the word thesaurus until my wife taught me to place my tongue under the roof of my mouth behind my front teeth and say the “th” sound. Try it; It works. The word thesaurus comes from the Greek word meaning “treasure,” or “storehouse.” Indeed, words in a thesaurus are a treasury of knowledge that can enhance our ability to communicate clearly and concisely. Even though many words are added to our language every year there are thousands that have their origins in ancient languages. An example is the word laconic, which can be said of a person, or speech, or style of writing. This word’s origin comes from the region in Greece that includes the ancient city of Sparta. The Spartans were known for their concise wit as opposed to the verbose orators of Athens. There is a story told of the Spartans correspondence with the Macedonian King, Phillip II, the father of Alexander the Great. Sparta was the only Greek city not subjected by the Macedonians. When Phillp asked the city’s council if he would be received as a friend or foe, the response was “neither.” Phillip then sent this reply to the Spartans, “If I invade Laconia, I shall turn you out.” To which they replied, “If.” The word laconic conveys complex ideas concisely. At a Toastmasters workshop presented by two by World Champions of Public Speaking, Darren LaCroix and Mark Brown, I was chosen as the first volunteer to give an introduction to a speech. When my name was called my mind went blank. All I could think of was the opening of a song I wrote for a program teaching children about flowers. Along with hand gestures I sang, “I have a little seed. I put it in the ground. I covered it with earth. And watered it around. Up comes the stem. Out comes the leaves. Then UP pops the flower that comes from the seed.” I was stopped before the next verse by Darren LaCroix. He said, “Let’s give Brad a hand for being brave enough to start us off, and for separating himself from anyone else by trying to sing.” There was a great laugh from the audience, including me. Darren continued, “Brad why did you use “I” as the beginning of your sentence? Why not the word “You”? Darren was pointing out I was speaking to an audience, and it was more important to address them than to talk about myself. An excellent observation I would never have been aware of had I not been challenged by a perceptive evaluator. The difference of using “You” rather than “I” connected my song emotionally to the audience. The skill of curating your words to become more impactful and persuasive is something everyone can implement into their daily lexicon. In a word, you too can be “unbelievable” by being observant, listening to the lyrics of words, and crafting ways to be memorable with your language. https://kimmonson.com/featured_articles/unbelievable/?vgo_ee=k3q2hbUqgYbEPQU7Gg9xgCQuYSGBaLvgXzEpHGu1mE7UfI0cSLrp5VQY%3AyIOCdVfGwsP7ekJDBYrsGZqK1E9fjSZ1