Off in the distance I heard a faint tune. As the sound drew closer and louder it became more recognizable as a carousel-like melody known as “Redwing.” The kids of my neighborhood knew it as the Ice Cream Man song. I was salivating for a refreshing cool treat of my youth. I ran over to my wife who was in the kitchen and said, “The ice cream man’s coming. Do you want anything?” She looked at me smiled and said, “You’re acting like a kid.” “Guilty.” I took that as a no and out the door I went to await the Ice Cream Man. The Ice Cream truck approached, and I flagged him, oh wait, surprise, it’s a lady. I flagged down the Ice Cream Lady.
“Hello, I am glad you came by,” I said. She replied,” What can I get for you?” As I read the offerings on the menu painted on the side of the truck, I was in disbelief. Most everything was $5.00 to $8.00 per item. I thought to myself, wow, when I was a kid most everything was twenty-five to fifty cents and that was a lot of money for a “push-up” or a “50-50 bar.” “I’ll have a snow-cone please.” A $6.00 sno-cone. I walked back to my house to enjoy the cool, refreshing taste of flavored ice. It was good and it brought back memories of hot summer days when I was a kid. I kept thinking $6.00 for a snow cone. Whew!
Rather than complain about the cost I started to think positively about my purchase of the overpriced flavored ice. I am fortunate I can afford this little luxury. Look at the technology that brought that cool delight to my door. It reminded me of the classic essay by Leonard E Reed, titled, I Pencil; the premise being no one person knows how a pencil is made. It takes a division of labor and countless individuals to take raw resources to make a pencil out of trees, lead, paint, metal, rubber, gasoline, and more to make a seemingly insignificant item into a productive tool. The value of a pencil is priceless when you need something to write with. Similarly, with the $6.00 snow cone, someone had to imagine it, and think about it before it was created.
Too often I find myself complaining and bemoaning about things that are out of my control when I should be grateful. Example. A few weeks ago, my 25-year-old home air conditioning unit decided to die just when summer finally made an appearance. With some research online and a few phone calls, I was able to set up an appointment to get the unit replaced. In a little over a hundred years, air-conditioning has helped to make our lives better and more productive. We have become more comfortable in our homes and businesses because of air conditioning. The weather does not impact how I live my life today as much as it did when I was growing up. In fact, our human ingenuity and use of technology has saved countless lives when just a century ago weather events would have killed thousands. Yes, air conditioning costs a bundle, yet this piece of equipment was worth what I paid because it makes my life better.
What do the sno-cone and the air conditioning unit have in common? They both cool one down and make life more enjoyable when things heat up. Here’s a lesson one could apply when words get heated during a conversation. Think COOL. This word pops in my head like the bubble in a newspaper cartoon when I get into a potential heated discussion or debate. Goodness knows there is no shortage of issues that can set people off these days.
COOL represents the following.
C = Calm. Remain calm when someone states something which would ordinarily set you off. Why? Because that person wants to get a reaction from you and by your lashing out, they win by getting into your head. Calm helps you react so that you remain composed. When you get angry you stop critically thinking and usually overreact. Have you ever thought after a heated discussion, “I should have said…” That’s anger and emotion getting in your way.
O = Observe. Look intently at the person you are in conversation with. Look into their eyes. Then look at their body language, hand gestures, movement, facial expressions and how they use their voice to emphasize words. Listen to their breathing and the rhythm of their speech. Notice the environment around you. Take long deep breaths and do not think about your response. Let their words sink in. Then, ask a clarifying question or repeat what you thought the other person said.
O = Orchestrate. Like a conductor who is out in front and stays in command, you can use short, clear, positive words. Speak in slower and softer tones. You should remain in control of yourself and your situation, which thereby creates an optimum outcome for both parties. Think rather than react.
L = Lead. Lead by listening, acknowledging, and restating what is being said to gain clarity and define differences. If possible, find common areas of agreement. Be respectful even when words get personal. Dig deep inside to remain above the fray.
There is a story of a group of travelers on a long journey through a blistering desert. As they journeyed to an oasis through the sand and merciless sun, they noticed a verdant green plant along the way which seemed to thrive in this unforgiving environment. The travelers wondered how this small plant could live in such a harsh landscape. They approached the plant and asked it how it managed to stay cool and live in such conditions when they were struggling just to survive. The plant replied, “I have learned to stay rooted and be patient. My roots are deep in the earth, drawing sustenance from unseen sources. I do not fight against the heat, instead I embrace it as part of my being. By conserving my energy during the hottest part of the day, I can bloom when the time is right.”
It takes practice to implement this idea of COOL. Yet, it does help me remain calm in heated discussions which require an awareness of myself and others. Being respectful and being open to listening fosters a dialog that can resolve issues by remaining positive. On one-hundred-degree days a $6.00 snow cone might just be the thing to cool your words, thoughts, and actions.
